Beautiful Gardens and Why They Are Awful

The year was 2001.  I had a remarkable few months of life.  Within four months, I graduated college, moved, started a job, got married, and bought a house. 

I was 22 years old.  At the time, I felt like I was a for-real grownup.  I had years of experience under my belt.  High school - mastered.  College - done.  Husband - found.  Real world, here we come!!!

Now I realize just how young that is... wow.  22. Twenty-two.  Still a kid!  But I digress...

So I was 22, Jerry had just turned a mature 24, and we felt it was time to buy a house.  He was working in Flint, I was working in Warren, so we decided to cut the distance and look in Clarkston.  Until we, in fact, looked in Clarkston and realized we could afford a really nice shed.  Maybe a garage, if we stretched the budget.  But a house?  Ha.  Someone that Jerry worked with said if we wanted to find something affordable, look north of I-69.  Thus started our search.  We took one Saturday just to drive around aimlessly in the towns nearby.  The first time we drove through downtown Flushing, we fell in love with the town.  It looks just like downtown Houghton (GO HUSKIES!), which of course means it must be awesome. 

Houghton downtown

Flushing downtown

We found a realtor that we liked, and off we went.  In one day, we looked at 11 houses.  Doesn't seem like much, I suppose...  Except when you are looking at 11 houses in one day.  The tenth house we looked at was the house we ended up buying.  I remember hardly being able to get out of the car, having climbed in and out of the back of a Sunfire 9 times already...  but luckily I managed.  The house was awesome!  A 1970s quad level - what's not to love!!! (tee hee) And the yard!  Oh my.  It was delightful.  Beautiful gardens everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  So serene and relaxing...

The winner

I think this is called tranquility...

We bought the house.  At the closing, the sweet lady (original owners) that we bought it from handed us a journal.  A gardening journal.  (Hmmm?  Oh - thanks...) We moved in in November, 2001.  No need to care about gardens - winter is coming.  (Had I read the journal, I would have learned about winterizing and what needed to happen in November.  Thank goodness I didn't read that - it would have been a lot of work... Unfortunately, it cost us the custom sprinkler system that ran throughout the entire yard...)

That following spring, we had a rude awakening.  Things started to grow.  Lots of stuff.  Everywhere.  It was like we were being overtaken by plants.  I've read Stephen King.  I know about things coming to life and attacking - this was nothing new, but terrifying nonetheless...

As I started the non-stop job of weeding, I saw little signs telling what the plants were.  I didn't know what it was labeling, since I couldn't identify plant vs. weed.  I had a friend who liked to garden come over.  She pointed out "weed" and "not weed" to me, to give me a heads up when yanking things.  (But there were some stumpers for her, too)  We later found out that our house (well... THEIR house...) was on the Genessee County Garden Tour.  People would show up in a bus and walk through our beautiful yard.  Seriously.  Not a joke. By this point, I would find a little sign knocked over and play "eenie meenie minie moe" and place it in front of something.  It might have been helpful if things weren't labeled in Latin... no joke.  Latin. 

It became very apparent the amount of work that goes into making these gardens so tranquil.  The first time I was actually confronted with this reality was when we got a letter from our mail lady saying "If you don't trim the tree blocking your sidewalk, I will not be able to deliver your mail."  I wanted to cry.  We are supposed to trim things?  Uggggh...  I thought the weeds were bad enough...  now the plants need upkeep too???

Anyway, I just wanted to put out a warning.  If you are looking for a house, and you find one with a beautiful yard, DON'T BUY IT.  It's a trap!!!  Because soon you will be "those neighbors" with brown grass and a garden of tranquility that looks like THIS:

"I love how natural everything looks, with a touch of large plastic"

I spent nearly 40 hours this past week weeding, weeding, pruning, weeding, and spreading mulch.  FORTY. HOURS.  And this is in a yard of survivors.  After that first year?  That's all that's left.  Survivors.  We have removed 6 of the 13 beautiful gardens that graced our backyard.  Yes, there were 13 gardens in our back yard.  Sorry any Master Gardeners out there...  I'm sure we have done something sacrilegious... But if you would like to come to my house, you are more than welcome to come over and work! 

I apologize for the randomness and spaced out-ness of this post.  It seems I have spent forty hours in the heat and sun, and there is a chance it has negatively affected my brain.  (or it could be the 5 kids... or that.)  One last tidbit that I find amusing... every time I try to attack my gardens to get some sort of tranquility back, I always say "Thanks a lot, Adam" in my head.  Over and over.  Why?  Because this is HIS fault.  I mean, I get it.  A naked lady offers you fruit - you eat it.  How about a little self-control, Adam? 
"¹⁷ To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;
    through painful toil you will eat food from it
    all the days of your life.
¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
    and you will eat the plants of the field."  Genesis 3:17-18

Thorns and thistles, Adam.  Do you want to know how many thorns and thistles I had to deal with?  Bags and bags and bags... Ugh.  Thanks, Adam.  Thanks a lot. <eyeroll>

But now, having toiled and toiled, please - feel free to stop by and see my beautiful yard!  In fact, we might just put it on the market, just to fool some other young kid into thinking this is a fantastic yard.... heh.  Heh heh heh.... Then at closing, I'll hand them a journal.  In it will be one word... "SUCKERS!!!!!"